Mike decided to take the boys on an impromptu camping trip last night, so I got some precious one on one time with my little girl. We snuggled, made faces at each other...and then she proceeded to cry herself to sleep, as usual.
I woke up this morning and realized this was the first night since she was born that she slept through the night. It's funny how that is such a big deal to me now. These little triumphs (for the baby AND parents) are the facets of parenthood that I could have never grasped B.K. (Before Kids)
When Mike and I decided to get pregnant for the first time, we (like every future parent) had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. "Let's get pregnant! Let's do this!" The excitement, the anticipation, the research, the shopping, the showers...it's all so fun, fresh and new. When your first child is born, there is a sort of chaos that ensues and it envelopes you. Your heart is ripped from your chest, wrung out, torn up, and then put back inside you. It will never be the same again. Just wait...
We've heard the words from everyone around us, warning us that being a parent is the hardest, yet most rewarding job you'll ever have. When you wake up in the morning, you are immediately "on," and you are not ever...not ever, not ever, not ever, "off." There is a very real panic that sets in when you realize this. Then, for some strange reason, (divine intervention?) we decide it's time to have another child, I guess because our hearts didn't get torn up enough the first time. And then it hits us again, like a dagger, only this time, we know a little about what's ahead, so we're calmer. We smile more, we breath deeper, we take our time and revel in the miracle a bit more...things are a little more familiar, so the near future is not as frighteningly unknown. At least for now...
And a couple years later, the words come out of my mouth: "I want to have one more." As if two was not enough. It's not about "enough," though. It is just about growing your family and being "in love" with the love that forms between all of you. If God had put Mike and me in charge of populating the earth, I think I'd have my own show called, "40 Kids and Counting." Unfortunately for me (not Mike), the reality of affordability and space is...well...very real.
So, we have our third. A girl. At first I wasn't sure what to expect. I mean, I'm used to an all boy household. Even our dog is a boy for crying out loud. What was this little black-haired bundle of flesh that came maneuvering out of me at warp speed? Was she going to be a leader? A follower? Outspoken? Shy? Loving? A wife? A mother? All of the wonder and excitement came flooding into me and I knew at that moment I was in for it...again. Now I had three of these precious little worry-inducing bundles of joy and I was, for lack of a better term...doomed. My heart almost imploded with love.
It has been five months of getting to know my sweet girl, and she has become a part of me in a way that I never knew possible. There is something about her face. Maybe it's the hair, who knows? But she just seems like she knows everything I have been trying to know my whole life and it's so effortless and easy for her. She laughs, cries, eats, poops, sleeps...life is not complicated. It's as is should be...simple and free from worry. Pure joy. This is what I know life is supposed to be. She has a long road ahead of her. She has a lot to teach me. I can only hope that I'm smart enough to listen. "Teach Your Parents Well." It's a tough job, but I know she can do it. Someone should tell her..."Oh, just wait..."
No comments:
Post a Comment